![]() It can be effective to repeat yourself by saying, “I understand that this decision is upsetting you because most people at your school have smartphones. If she brings up that her older brother got his first smartphone at her age, stay focused on the situation with your daughter instead of following her down a rabbit hole. Staying focused until you’ve reached a resolution increases your chance for success.Įxample: At this time in the conversation with your daughter, you’re probably going to get a lot of rebuttals and backlash. Unfortunately, when the conversation gets off course, you reduce the chances of getting what you’re asking for. Why this? It’s easy to be distracted, especially in uncomfortable situations. ![]() If the person you’re talking to is acting defensive, try to keep the conversation on course. Instead, do your best to stay focused on the conversation. ![]() Try not to become distracted by things going on around you. We’ll be happy to reevaluate this decision next year.” Reinforcing in the DEAR MAN skill reminds the person that something’s in it for them, too, and can even help build the relationship.Įxample: “We really appreciate how hard you’re working in school and how much responsibility you’ve shown us by helping out with your younger siblings. If someone does us a favor, we’re more likely to do them a favor in return. Why this? Relationships are built on reciprocity. Reinforce by making sure that the other person knows why they should grant your request. Take away the ambiguity and ask directly and clearly.Įxample: “Your dad and I have decided that we are not going to get you a smartphone this year.” An unclear expectation is a major source of contention in relationships. Or, they may be unclear as to exactly what it is you’re asking for. Why this? No one can read your mind! You might think it’s incredibly obvious what you want, but the person you’re talking to might have no idea what you’re wanting. Don’t beat around the bush or don’t allude to what you want. To “assert” your needs means that you are asking for what you want in a clear and strong way. My biggest worry is that one of those “mistakes” will end up all over social media, and it will be harder to overcome.”Īssert by either asking for your need or saying no firmly (depending on the situation). We feel that while you’re pretty mature for your age, this is a time when you’re still learning and it’s easy to make mistakes. This will help the other person understand where you’re coming from.Įxample: “Because you’re only 13 years old, we’re worried that you’re not quite ready to have an iPhone where you’ll have full access to apps and the Internet. ![]() Why this? It’s important to express how you’re feeling about the situation you’ve just described. An “I” statement means that you’re taking accountability and prevents the other person from going into defense mode. Your dad and I have discussed it, and I’d like to talk to you about it.”Įxpress how you’re feeling using “I” statements. To describe the situation, you might say to your daughter, “I understand that you’ve been wanting an iPhone. Instead of avoiding the issue or giving into your child’s request, we’ll communicate and find a solution. By describing it factually, you’re making sure they understand the circumstances that are leading you to this request.Įxample: Let’s work through a problem almost every family in North America will face: their child’s first smartphone. Why this? The person you’re talking to might not understand or be aware of the situation leading to your request. You’re setting up for the conversation using facts. At this point, you’re not expressing your feelings or asking for anything. State only the facts in your description. ![]() As you study and implement these skills, you’ll find that having hard conversations becomes easier over time.ĭescribe the situation in a simple way. “ DEAR MAN” is an acronym, with each letter representing its own skill. You can use it to resolve a conflict or make a request in a respectful and effective way that maintains a relationship. DEAR MAN is a subskill of interpersonal effectiveness. Dialectical behavior therapy skills ( DBT skills) offer tips for emotion regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, The Middle Path, and interpersonal effectiveness. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |